So, something happened today that provoked me to write this. I was out for a dinner date with my SO when I overheard a conversation between a newly engaged couple.
What turned around between them had an affect over me as well.
Let me introduce you the just-done-with-the-roka-couple, all glammed-up and so much in love. The bride-to-be was wearing a nice long Maxy dress, flaunting her excitement, in arm-to-arm with her man.
Their conversation started with how they plan to execute the wedding, the usual guest list, the expectations of their uncles & aunts. Just when somebody raised the topic – apparels (specifically after-marriage clothing).
Now, the couple seemed really in love, but everything changed when groom-to-be said,
” I hope you know that the kind of dress that you are wearing right now is not at all acceptable in my family. You will have to change the way you dress-up, and start wearing suits that are not revealing.”
I remember the look on her face the moment she heard this coming from a person who praised her for everything she is, be it her clothes, her style, her way of carrying herself and everything else.
She obviously protested against the idea and later on left the place without him. Now I hope that they haven’t broken up, but if they had then, may god feed some sense in that man.
The argument was so loud that people sitting on the nearby table could overhear it and thus some of the guys started making weird statements once both of them left. Such as,
“He’s right. You know what, girls need to have some sense when they are married.”
“Yar… A fling is fine but marriage with a girl dressed in a mini, no bro!”
“Offcourse, I’ve asked her to stop wearing dresses once we’re married. It’s not acceptable in my family.”
…as if only agreeing to that stupid fella wasn’t just enough for them. And to justify their statement they said how it is important for a women to change certain things after getting married (as if changing her surname, her address, her daily ritual, leaving behind her family, adjusting with people so unfamiliar, adjusting with their idea of perfect, constantly trying to be best at everything so that nobody raises an alarm that how bad she is as compared to other bahus in the family).
To all the guys, just for once tell me. What is the definition of a perfect woman?
Before marriage, you want her to be beautiful, smart, intelligent, outspoken, fun and a chilled-out girl. The moment you plan to get her into your family, suddenly you want her to look in a certain way, talk in a certain way, walk in a certain way, say yes to her in-laws, on their forced decisions to which she doesn’t agree? Who treats your mother like her mother, your father like her father but should never expect them to give her the freedom & happiness just like she once enjoyed in her family?
Is that the idea of a perfect women to you?
Enforcing your idea of perfection won’t make her the ideal person, it will rather make her feel trapped within them.
She can wear a sari and still look beautiful and she can wear a LBD (little black dress) and still be beautiful. Doesn’t matter if she apply a bindi on her forehead, what matters is that she is keeping things important to you & your family in her mind always.
The size of her skirt won’t define her mentality, the way she respects your parents defines how well she has been brought up. It doesn’t matter how deep is her backless blouse, what matters is how deeply she’s in love with you.
Her high heels stand true for her high morale and her attitude is all that you should praise. Doesn’t matter if she wakes your entire house with her melodious voice, singing some devotional melody. God resides within ones heart, and what matters is her her prayers for your success and your family’s well-being.
Fully covered or not, her dress doesn’t define who she is. And it shouldn’t matter until and unless she is free. It’s her Choice, let it be Free.
If she marries you, treat her like your queen. Support her dreams, dream with her rather than curbing her freedom to voice her opinions or wear what she feels comfortable in. Her dignity and her purity doesn’t lie in the length of her clothes, it lies in her thoughts and ethics.
A perfect woman isn’t a myth, it’s just not limited to your beliefs and standards. It’s time you agree.
Because what doesn’t align with your idea of perfection doesn’t mean it isn’t perfect at all.
And she is perfect in every sense.